Rocko's Modern Ouija
by Jemascola
Summary: Rocko, Heffer, and Filbert go to a yard sale and purchase a Ouija board.
1. Yard Sale

Rocko's Modern Ouija

Chapter 1: Yard Sale

Wednesday morning dawned on O-Town, USA, and all its residents slowly arose to begin their day. All except for one…Rocko, the wallaby. He was still asleep in bed. He had the day off from his job at Kind-of-a-lot-of-Comics, and he wanted to catch up on rest since his hours at the comic store were so demanding.

His white dog, Spunky, however, had other ideas. Instantly, he jumped on Rocko's bed and began to lick Rocko. Rocko grunted at first and turned over. Spunky was persistent, and he continued to lick Rocko. When Rocko still did not wake up, Spunky barked and then gave Rocko a big lick on the mouth.

Rocko certainly was aroused by that! He started spitting, and his eyes slowly creaked open. There, Spunky was in front of him panting and wagging his tail. Rocko sat up in bed and stretched. "Good morning, Spunky," he said. "I see you didn't want to be alone, did you? Well, now that I'm up, let's get you a nice breakfast."

Rocko got out of bed and went into his closet and got dressed in one of his famous blue shirts with millions of purple triangles. He then slipped into his comfortable orange sneakers. Afterwards, he left his room and walked down the stairs to feed Spunky.

Spunky darted down the stairs and raced into the kitchen. He sat by his food dish on the black-and-white tile kitchen floor, where he waited to be fed. Rocko creaked into the kitchen and bent down to the cabinet underneath the sink to get Spunky his favorite treat, Lockjaw Lollies. He then walked over to Spunky's dish and poured nearly the whole box into the bowl. Spunky dived into the Lockjaw Lollies and began making a big mess on the floor.

"Spunky, try not to make a mess…" Rocko started. Spunky apparently wasn't listening. Rocko sighed, "Well, I guess I'll have to clean this up later. I'll go get my breakfast."

Rocko opened the cabinet above the refrigerator and got a box of Hefferos. One of Rocko's best friends, Heffer, who was a fat steer, decided to make a cereal once. He gave Rocko a free sample, but Rocko hadn't tried any of it. Rocko had no other food to eat, so he decided to try Hefferos to see how it tasted. He went to another cabinet above the sink and got a bowl and then to the refrigerator for some milk. Rocko poured the Hefferos into his bowl, followed by the milk. Rocko put the milk back in the refrigerator, and he grabbed a spoon from one of the drawers. He sat down at the wooden kitchen table to start eating.

Rocko took a spoonful of Hefferos, only to spit it across the room. "YUK!" he yelled. "What is this…?" Rocko looked into the bowl. There, he saw what he thought were old cut up banana peels, bolts, and possibly dried up crap. "Nasty!" Rocko exclaimed. "I'm not eating this!" He shoved his bowl across the table.

Suddenly, he heard knocking at his door. "Who could that be?" he wondered. Rocko exited the kitchen and went to his front door, where he saw Heffer and his other best friend, Filbert, the turtle, who was somewhat nerdy and wore glasses.

"Hey, Rock, Filbert and me are going to a yard sale that the Bigheads are having! Wanna come?" Heffer asked.

The Bigheads were Rocko's cane toad neighbors. Ed Bighead was very grouchy toward Rocko, and he was always complaining about having him as a neighbor. Bev Bighead, his wife, was much nicer to Rocko, but she often got in big fights with Ed. Rocko had ambivalent feelings about the Bigheads, but he decided to go to their yard sale anyway. "Sure, why not?" Rocko said.

"All right!" Filbert yelled.

The three of them left Rocko's house and went next door to the Bigheads' well-kept yard. There was a big wooden table with all sorts of old junk that could have dated back as far as the 60s.

"Rocko, look at this really old computer," Heffer said.

Rocko walked over to the end of the table and looked at it. "This looks like one of those computers where you type stuff in. I remember those. They were the first personal PCs around," he said. "Don't really want it, though, as my PC is much more modern."

"I'll take it," Filbert said. "How much does it cost?"

Suddenly, Ed Bighead rushed over. "How much does it cost? It costs $10,000!" he shouted angrily.

Ed cast a dark shadow over Filbert. Filbert looked very intimidated all of a sudden. "Uh…(gulp)…never mind, Mr. Bighead, sir." He then tip-toed out of Ed's shadow.

Meanwhile, Rocko was looking through a cedar chest on the ground that was full of old clothes. "Hmm…" he said, pulling out a disco suit. "This looks pretty interesting. I always heard disco was coming back." He set it aside and pulled out a clown's wig and an astronaut suit. "An astronaut suit? Did Mr. Bighead ever work for NASA?" Rocko shrugged and put everything back in the cedar chest.

"Rocko! Filbert!" Heffer called. "Look at this!"

Rocko and Filbert ran to where Heffer was, and they saw that he held a wooden board in his hands.

"What is that thing?" Rocko asked.

"It's a…it's a…ooo…I…ga," Heffer said. "Wonder what that is?"

"No, Heff, that's pronounced WEEja!" Filbert said. "That's a Ouija board! It's a tool used for communicating with the supernatural! I've heard some very bad things about those things…"

At that moment, Ed stormed over. "What are you three doing here? Is that my Ouija board you're playing with?"

"We were just looking at it, Mr. Bighead," Rocko said.

Ed snatched the board from Heffer. "Well this thing's no toy! I communicated with ghosts with it two decades back. It gave me a bigger curse than I could ever hope to bear! It's horrible!" Ed said. He calmed down. "It'll cost you $20."

"Awesome!" Heffer yelled. He shoved his hand into his pocket and handed Ed a $20 bill.

Ed shoved the board back into Heffer's hands. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" he yelled. "Oh, and don't forget your planchette," he said, handing Heffer a wooden triangular piece with a circle near one of the points.

"Thanks!" Heffer said.

Ed grumbled and walked off.

"Hey, Rocko, you can keep this if you want," Heffer said, giving the Ouija board and planchette to Rocko.

"Thanks, Heff. I've got an idea! Let's have a Ouija board party at my house tonight! We can stay up as late as we want and communicate with ghosts," Rocko said.

"Great idea, Rock," Heffer said.

"I don't know, guys…" Filbert said. "Those things are very unsafe. I've heard instances where people have died using those."

"Relax, Filb. Those are just stories. Everyone knows the Ouija is just a game," Heffer said.

"Well…okay…" Filbert said. "I guess I'm in."

"You guys can come over at…say…10:00 at night. We'll start then," Rocko said.

"Okay, see you, Rock," Heffer said, waving. He left the Bigheads' yard.

"Bye, Rocko," Filbert said, following suit.

Rocko didn't realize he was still in the Bigheads' yard. "ROCKO! GET OUT OF MY YARD!" shouted Ed.

Rocko was startled. He looked around, forgetting that he needed to go back home. "Y-yes, sir. Sorry," Rocko said. He took his Ouija board and planchette with him as he went back to his house next door.


	2. A Surprise Guest

Chapter 2: A Surprise Guest

Later that night at 10:00, Rocko was already in the kitchen with his Ouija board sitting on the table. He had three chairs around the table so that his friends and he could sit and use the board. The planchette was in the middle of the board, and Rocko had several incense lit around the board in order to lure spirits. Last but not least, he even turned off the lights as a final touch to make the experience even more scary and supernatural.

Rocko went to the door when he heard knocking, and he gasped and screamed when he saw four red eyes glowing in the dark.

"HELLO, ROCKO! WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU!" two voices shouted.

Rocko yelled and ran for cover up the stairs. Just then, Heffer and Filbert walked through the door with fishing poles. The glowing red eyes bounced along with them.

"It's okay, Rock! It was just us. Filbert made these glowing red eyes as a prank," Heffer yelled up the stairs.

Rocko peered from upstairs and saw that it was Heffer and Filbert. "You guys need to stop this nonsense right now! You had me scared for a minute," Rocko said. "Anyway, I have the board set up in the kitchen. Follow me."

Rocko went down the stairs and shut the front door. He then led Heffer and Filbert into his kitchen, where they sat down.

"What do we do first, Rocko?" Heffer asked.

"I think first we are supposed to say some chant or something to scare off any evil ghosts," Rocko said.

"Uh…abra-cadabra! Go away evil ghosties! Hee hee hee hee hee!" Heffer said.

"Umm…okay, that'll work I guess. Now, all three of us must put our hands together on the planchette," Rocko said.

"No way, I ain't doing that! I'm not gay!" Heffer said.

"Don't worry, Heff. That will not make you gay," Rocko said.

"All right, all right," Heffer said. The three placed their hands on the planchette. "What now?"

"I think we have to ask it a question," Filbert said. "Umm…what color is my underwear?"

The planchette slowly moved across the board. This scared Rocko, Heffer, and Filbert.

"Did you move that, Heff?" Rocko asked.

"Wasn't me," Heffer said innocently.

"Then…Filbert?" Rocko asked.

"Nuh-uh," Filbert said.

"This is getting creepy," Rocko said.

The board moved over several letters, which spelled out a color. It was green.

"Wow! How did it know?" Filbert wondered. "It's amazing!"

"Ooh, ooh, let me try!" Heffer said. "Who was 'the cheese' in _Wacky Delly_?"

The planchette spelled out Filbert's name.

"Wow! This is so awesome!" Heffer said.

"My turn," Rocko said. "May I ask what the name of the ghost we're talking to is?"

Suddenly, in Rocko's living room, his television set fell over and exploded. Filbert began to freak out.

"See, see! What did I tell you? Bad things happen when people use Ouija boards!" Filbert yelled.

"Settle down, Filbert, I'm sure that was just a coincidence," Rocko said. "Let me ask it again. What is your name?"

Then, the refrigerator fell over and nearly hit Heffer.

"Ahh!" the guys screamed.

"Something very, very, very weird is going on here…" Heffer said.

"Relax, guys. And like you said, Heffer, it's just a game," Rocko said. Suddenly, a long, sharp butcher knife flew past Rocko and stuck into the wall. "…Isn't it?" Rocko asked, starting to sound worried.

Filbert started hyperventilating. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew no good could come from those Ouija boards! I'm outta here!"

"HALT!" a deep, frightening voice shouted from upstairs. The guys screamed.

"Oh-no! The ghost has taken residency in this house thanks to our foolishness. Now what are we going to do?" moaned Rocko.

"ROCKO, THIS IS THE VOICE OF SPANKY, YOUR OLD DOG!" the voice bellowed from upstairs.

"Spanky! Oh, Spanky, I missed you…" Rocko started.

"SHUT UP!" Spanky yelled.

"I really miss Spanky, but I don't want his ghost here if he's so mean," Rocko said. "How do you guys think we ought to get him out?"

"YOU WON'T! HA HA HA!" Spanky yelled from upstairs. Rocko, Heffer, and Filbert trembled as Spanky continued to laugh, and thunder and lightning added even more horrifying sound effects outside.


	3. Who We Gonna Call?

Chapter 3: Who We Gonna Call?

The three were still in the kitchen, trembing and cowering about the sudden presence of Rocko's ghost dog, Spanky. Filbert quickly retreated to Rocko's trashcan and threw up. He went back to Rocko and Heffer.

"What are we going to do, Rocko?" Filbert asked.

"Well, I think the first thing to do is destroy this darned game!" Rocko said, lifting the game off the table with rage. He then snapped it in half with little effort. One could tell he was furious. Not many people could snap a really thick wooden board without much force.

Almost immediately, the remains of the board spontaneously combusted. Rocko, Heffer, and Filbert screamed.

"Bad idea," Heffer said.

"Well," Rocko sighed, "I guess the only thing to do now is fight this ghost ourselves."

Then, the music from _Ghostbusters_ began to play in the background. Heffer and Filbert got on the kitchen floor and started dancing to the music. "Who we gonna call?"

"Ghostbusters!" Rocko sang back.

The three entered Rocko's living room and picked up the phone and called Ghostbusters. Someone answered on the other line. "Yes, Ghostbusters? This is Rocko. Me and my friends have an evil ghost upstairs," Rocko said.

"Sorry, kid, we're real busy with a three-headed demon poltergeist on Haunted Hill," one of the employees said over the phone. However, the gang was actually in a game room playing billards. Rocko's plan to call Ghostbusters failed.


	4. Not Ghostbusters

Chapter 4: Not Ghostbusters...

Rocko hung up the phone. "Well…I guess we can be our own ghostbusters…right, guys?" Rocko asked. He noticed that Heffer and Filbert looked sad.

"Nah…" the two of them said sadly.

Then, there was a loud roar from upstairs.

"I'll see ya later, Rock!" Heffer said, starting to bolt through the door.

"Yeah…I need to do some work around the trailer," Filbert said, following Heffer.

But Rocko was too quick for them. He grabbed them by the back of their necks and pulled them back over. "Guys! You're not going anywhere until we get this ghost out of my house! Don't you feel sorry for yourselves that you're leaving me alone to clean up the mess that you helped create?" Rocko said, sounding mad.

"But Rocko, you're the one to talk. Remember that time 5 years ago when you were over at my house, and you threw up in my attic. You left and didn't even offer to help me clean up," Heffer said.

"Shut up, Heffer," Rocko hushed. "That's different," he lied.

"How's that different?" Filbert asked. "It doesn't seem –"

"I TOLD YOU TWO TO SHUT UP!" Rocko shouted. He panted out of breath. Heffer and Filbert looked shocked and didn't utter another word. "Now…how are we going to get rid of that ghost?"

"I always heard that you can get a priest to exorcise ghosts so they can leave your home," Heffer said.

"Good idea," Rocko said. "Let me call the nearest minister. We might just be free of this ghost yet." Rocko picked up the phone and called for the local minister. He explained the problem to the minister. The minister got angry and lectured Rocko about how dangerous Ouija boards were. He then said that he would arrive during the next hour to get rid of the ghost. Rocko was overjoyed. He thanked the minister and hung up the phone. "Guys, our problems are solved. The minister said he'll be here in an hour. I just hope that ghost doesn't bug us until then." After Rocko said that, he saw Spunky floating around in mid-air and being hit by flying silverware. "I spoke too soon," Rocko said.


	5. All Gone

Chapter 5: All Gone

As he promised, the minister arrived at Rocko's house an hour later. He was dressed in a formal white robe and had a Bible and a crucifix. "Hello," the priest said.

"Hello," Rocko said.

"So…where is this ghost you speak of?" he asked.

"Upstairs in my room. As I told you, he was my old dog, but for some reason, he's turned evil," Rocko said.

"Rocko, I don't think that's really your dog," the priest said.

"What!" Rocko's eyes widened in shock.

"You see, when people communicate with ghosts through Ouija boards, they are usually speaking with ghosts from the lower realm. That means there are a lot of demons you're talking to. And many of them will trick you into thinking you're talking to someone you know…like a long lost relative or an old friend. But once you get addicted to Ouija boards, their presence gets stronger and stronger, and before you know it, they'll have invaded your house, and by that point, there's not much you can do about it. I'm convinced that 'Spanky' is a demon…not your real dog."

"Uh-oh…" Rocko said.

"Well, if you hadn't been playing with that Ouija board, nothing would have happened," the priest said. He then left and went upstairs to exorcise the demon. There was suddenly a loud clap of thunder and a bright bolt of lightning upstairs. Loud screaming was upstairs, and it slowly trinkled off. The thunder and lightning that had been outside Rocko's house finally ended. The priest came downstairs and calmly said, "All done."

"Gee, thank you, sir. I really appreciate your help," Rocko said.

"No problem," the priest said. He then walked out the door.

"See, I told you Ouija boards were dangerous," Heffer said to Filbert.

"WHAT! You were the one who said it was just a game. I was the one that said it was dangerous. I was right! I proved you wrong!" Filbert yelled back.

"Oh yeah, well…" Heffer started yelling, but his arguments were blocked out by Filbert's own yelling. Almost instantly, the two of them got in a big dust fight all over the carpet and began pounding the heck out of each other. Meanwhile, Rocko just sat on the stairs with his head on his hand and sighed in frustration. He vowed never to use another Ouija board from that moment on. The thing was too dangerous and caused too much trouble. But worst of all…it made Heffer and Filbert argue about ridiculous matters…yet again…

The end.


End file.
